$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.