god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
