If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat