is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.