I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
