I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
