the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
