I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
false alarm, still single
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
