and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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