just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
