I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
