Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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