i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
