They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
