What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
