i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
