Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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