I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
