Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize