I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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