I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
