I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
