Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
