ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
