Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just pee around me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
