i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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