Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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