Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
