when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
