whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
