i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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