the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
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we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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