My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
