Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
