I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
