btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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