you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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