Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
