Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
pop tarts are not kleenex
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
