Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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