I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
