Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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