i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
