Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
