I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
