Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
