you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
