Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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