glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
