I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
