Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
