I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
