the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
