They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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