just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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