The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
