how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
