He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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