Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
