yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
