Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
