I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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