I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
