Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
