the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
