we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
