2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
