Don't you send me to vm
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
