We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
