I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
