i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
