Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
