Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
