There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
