im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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